She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
