During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
