Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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