Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
