How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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