just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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