one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
