Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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