Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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