I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
