I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
