Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
