Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
