All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
