Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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