Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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