so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
