I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
