it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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