just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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