you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
