It's Friday. Sex?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
