I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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