I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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