Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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