Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
