so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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