Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
