I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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