Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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