I am midnight drunk by noon
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
