Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
