She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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