Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
