It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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