That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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