I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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