I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
