I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
