Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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