I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
