shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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