TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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