new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
