you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
