he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
