i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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