Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm so fucking centered right now
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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