im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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