Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
