she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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