I'm going to jail i love you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
